Sometimes playing poker makes you want to cry, especially when you suffer a bad beat. But sometimes, it’s worth looking at the poker games with a sense of humour. What better way is there to enjoy the game than telling a few poker jokes?
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"Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." (Steven Wright)
The wife took up poker
I can't believe it's true
She started online yesterday
And I'm not sure what to do.
She's already cost us money
She's a hundred dollars down
She says its cause she has no luck
All I do is frown.
She thinks she's tight/aggressive
I wish that she was passive
Even with a nine and four
I see her raising massive.
With every face card she must raise
She says it's cause they're pretty
I just cringe and walk away
And sit and watch her booty.
She doesn't like the Ace of Spaces
Cause it's an ugly card
I watched her muck it with a King
And almost hit her... HARD.
She says that it is boring
To be dealt a pocket pair
I watched her folding bullets
And tore out half my hair.
In a hand against "ChillyRooste"
She had him fully beat
But she wouldn't take advantage
Cause she thought his name was sweet.
If she holds the nuts, she will not bet
She thinks that it's unfair.
And when re-raised she always calls
Cause she's got chips to spare.
Now she's thinking of NO LIMIT
She thinks it might be fun
I'm going through my chest of drawers
I'm looking for my gun.
Downstairs and armed and dangerous
Although it may be mean
I take my aim and fire it twice
And blow away the screen.
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We caught him trying to cheat. He knew this was a tough poker club when he joined. Not allowed: cheating in poker!
First, we haven't started playing yet. And secondly, I wasn't aware we were playing strip poker.
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This is NO JOKE = Get a £5 bonus to play at Titanbet Poker: Please list jokes in the Promo Code field in the Cashier when you make your first deposit and receive a £5 bonus. (T&C apply) PLAY NOW with OUR SOFTWARE!
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Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress.
Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed, he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirmed that he was interested. She told him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2pm Friday.
When Friday rolled around, and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat, Sue answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"
In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes in fact he did give me $500."
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by my office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
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Did ya hear about the blonde who brought a bag of frozen French fries to a poker game? Someone told her to bring her own chips.
There are TWO secrets to success at Poker. Rule #1: Never tell your secrets.
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After his divorce, Mr. Lewis realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.
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Poker is a serious game, but, laughing with funny poker jokes can get you motivated to play harder. A sense of poker humour is definitely an asset when you play cards. Hey, this is just for fun!
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2. Eligibility for this offer is restricted to UK residents ages 18 and up.
3. Only players listing promo code jokes when making their first deposit are eligible to receive this bonus.
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